Post by C.Vilhauer on Oct 25, 2004 23:30:17 GMT -5
Pacers hire new coach, name Wyld Stallyons as house band.
Indianapolis – 10.25.04
Indianapolis has had a knack on the offensive side of things, lately, but most experts think the kink in their proverbial armor is the defense.
Enter General Manager Corey Vilhauer. And his Maytag XD3400 Time Machine.
“Essentially, we figured we needed someone with a bright future in the coaching business, someone like Rick Carlisle, or Terry Porter,” Vilhauer commented to a packed room of reporters tricked into thinking Tiffany Amber Thiessen was inside wearing bondage gear. “Unfortunately, Terry Porter won’t become a coach for another 14 years, and Rick Carlisle is only 30 years old, and an untested assistant coach for the Nets.”
So, apparently, the Pacers did the next best thing – they went into the future and brought back the 45-year old Rick Carlisle.
“We never expected he would come with us, but, really, who can resist Reese’s Pieces?” commented Vilhauer regarding the negotiations between the team and “Future” Carlisle.
While having a defensive minded uber-coach will be a boon to the Pacers’s dire defense, there are still some risks involved.
“I know that when we play the Nets, with the young Carlisle sitting on the bench next to Bill Fitch, we have to hide Coach in the lockeroom until his doppelganger has left,” All-Star guard Reggie Miller revealed to the media. “Otherwise, we’d get one of those weird “time-space wrinkles” that happens every time Marty McFly sees the future Biff.”
Vilhauer will also have his hands full with keeping Celtics star Larry Bird from meeting Coach Carlisle, lest he become enamored with the coach who will become the Pacers assistant coach (under Head Coach Bird) in 1997, and then their head coach (under General Manager Bird) in 2003.
“My only problem with that is how Bird thinks he’s gonna take my f***ing job in 15 years,” Vilhauer spat. “That prick from French Lick can kiss my ass.”
“And if he doesn’t like it, he can eat a fat dick.”
Eat a fat dick indeed.
Indianapolis – 10.25.04
Indianapolis has had a knack on the offensive side of things, lately, but most experts think the kink in their proverbial armor is the defense.
Enter General Manager Corey Vilhauer. And his Maytag XD3400 Time Machine.
“Essentially, we figured we needed someone with a bright future in the coaching business, someone like Rick Carlisle, or Terry Porter,” Vilhauer commented to a packed room of reporters tricked into thinking Tiffany Amber Thiessen was inside wearing bondage gear. “Unfortunately, Terry Porter won’t become a coach for another 14 years, and Rick Carlisle is only 30 years old, and an untested assistant coach for the Nets.”
So, apparently, the Pacers did the next best thing – they went into the future and brought back the 45-year old Rick Carlisle.
“We never expected he would come with us, but, really, who can resist Reese’s Pieces?” commented Vilhauer regarding the negotiations between the team and “Future” Carlisle.
While having a defensive minded uber-coach will be a boon to the Pacers’s dire defense, there are still some risks involved.
“I know that when we play the Nets, with the young Carlisle sitting on the bench next to Bill Fitch, we have to hide Coach in the lockeroom until his doppelganger has left,” All-Star guard Reggie Miller revealed to the media. “Otherwise, we’d get one of those weird “time-space wrinkles” that happens every time Marty McFly sees the future Biff.”
Vilhauer will also have his hands full with keeping Celtics star Larry Bird from meeting Coach Carlisle, lest he become enamored with the coach who will become the Pacers assistant coach (under Head Coach Bird) in 1997, and then their head coach (under General Manager Bird) in 2003.
“My only problem with that is how Bird thinks he’s gonna take my f***ing job in 15 years,” Vilhauer spat. “That prick from French Lick can kiss my ass.”
“And if he doesn’t like it, he can eat a fat dick.”
Eat a fat dick indeed.
